Tag Archives: kings road

King’s Road, Chelsea

Walking down the King’s Road at lunch time, saw an old woman standing on the very edge of the pavement, facing along the road. She was stiller than a statue, stiller even than a street performer pretending to be a statue. Her eyes were trained on the traffic at a fixed point in the distance, scanning the incoming data for a pattern matching that of a London cab. Her arm was raised to a horizontal in front of her, minimizing the time and effort required to lift it up 45 degrees once a taxi came into view. Arresting.

Luckily not arresting were the many yellow-coated policemen scattered in front of shops at intervals along the King’s Road. Obviously something big about to happen. Two of them, a short one and a tall one, reminded me of the two stupid policemen that used to crop up from time to time on the Young Ones making inane comments:

[Two policemen are standing guard.]

COP #1: ‘Course you see, I look at life like this. <TILTS his head>

COP #2: Why’s that? Problems?

COP #1: Yeah. Had a heavy bust-up this morning with my lady.

COP #2: W. P. C…?

COP #1: Dunno, I never could remember her name… umm… it’s got a four in it, it’s got a four, ’cause I remember, it was a round one, like that.  <DRAWS circle in the air>

COP #2: Has it got a tail?

COP #1: Yeah.

COP #2: <PAUSE>That’s a Q.

COP #1: Yeah?

COP #2: Yeah. Pretty sure.

COP #1: We’d been goin’ out ‘kin years.

COP #2: <PAUSE>How long?

COP #1: ‘kin years…I reckon if I played me cards right, I could’ve, you know…<BENDS his knee inward>

COP #2: Kneed her in the groin?

COP #1: No, the other one.

COP #2: Slept with her?

COP #1: Yeah.

COP #2: Yeah.

COP #1: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn’t for something I said. But we had a row, and uh… I said something about the Pope.

COP #2: That’s a bit stupid, you know she’s Catholic.

COP #1: Yeah, I know she’s Catholic, I didn’t know the Pope was.

COP #2: Heh. That’s a laugh, eh, ain’t it?

COP #1: What?

COP #2: That noise you make in the back of your throat when you hear a joke.

COP #1: Yeah, that’s a laugh. <NODS>

COP #2: <NODS>

[The shot of the cops freezes and expands, as it becomes a photo on
the front page of The Guardian, which RICK is reading. The headline says, “POLICE I.Q. SHOCKER”.]