Walking down the King’s Road at lunch time, saw an old woman standing on the very edge of the pavement, facing along the road. She was stiller than a statue, stiller even than a street performer pretending to be a statue. Her eyes were trained on the traffic at a fixed point in the distance, scanning the incoming data for a pattern matching that of a London cab. Her arm was raised to a horizontal in front of her, minimizing the time and effort required to lift it up 45 degrees once a taxi came into view. Arresting.
Luckily not arresting were the many yellow-coated policemen scattered in front of shops at intervals along the King’s Road. Obviously something big about to happen. Two of them, a short one and a tall one, reminded me of the two stupid policemen that used to crop up from time to time on the Young Ones making inane comments:
[Two policemen are standing guard.]
COP #1: ‘Course you see, I look at life like this.Â <TILTS his head>
COP #2: Why’s that? Problems?
COP #1: Yeah. Had a heavy bust-up this morning with my lady.
COP #2: W. P. C…?
COP #1: Dunno, I never could remember her name… umm… it’s got a four in it, it’s got a four, ’cause I remember, it was a round one, like that.Â <DRAWS circle in the air>
COP #2: Has it got a tail?
COP #1: Yeah.
COP #2:Â <PAUSE>That’s a Q.
COP #1: Yeah?
COP #2: Yeah. Pretty sure.
COP #1: We’d been goin’ out ‘kin years.
COP #2:Â <PAUSE>How long?
COP #1: ‘kin years…I reckon if I played me cards right, I could’ve, you know…<BENDS his knee inward>
COP #2: Kneed her in the groin?
COP #1: No, the other one.
COP #2: Slept with her?
COP #1: Yeah.
COP #2: Yeah.
COP #1: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn’t for something I said. But we had a row, and uh… I said something about the Pope.
COP #2: That’s a bit stupid, you know she’s Catholic.
COP #1: Yeah, I know she’s Catholic, I didn’t know the Pope was.
COP #2: Heh. That’s a laugh, eh, ain’t it?
COP #1: What?
COP #2: That noise you make in the back of your throat when you hear a joke.
COP #1: Yeah, that’s a laugh.Â <NODS>
COP #2:Â <NODS>
[The shot of the cops freezes and expands, as it becomes a photo on
the front page of The Guardian, which RICK is reading. The headline says, “POLICE I.Q. SHOCKER”.]